The grand dame of comedy

Yesterday I spent some time with my grandmother, or "Nanny" as I call her. My grandfather is not doing so well, hence my zombie-like state of late. My Dad is over from the island to help them out and I, ever-faithful and ever-helpful granddaughter and daughter, went out to the 'burbs to help them all out.

I love my Nanny, but truth be told I don't think I've ever spent a moment of silence with her. As long as there is air to breath there will be words coming out of her mouth. So, in an effort to both spend quality time with her and give my Dad and Grandpa a break, I took her...bra shopping.

First things first, getting into the car. We took the Honda CRV because it's easier to get in and out of than my little, old Civic. Upon hoisting herself onto the seat she let out a little gasp and said "Whoops, got myself right in the crotch. Oh well, cheap thrills---you gotta get 'em where you can." She was having a lot of trouble with the seatbelt and it kept slipping out of her hands and sliding back into the wall of the car. I told her, as I grabbed the buckle, "I'll hold onto it and you can push it in." She reached over with the strap and said "Haven't heard that for a while." And, like any great comedienne, paused for my reaction which was silence and horror, before saying "Oh, I'm a horrible old woman! Bah-ha-ha-ha!"

We went to the HUGE new Walmart down the road from her house. I've only ever been in Walmart once and it was nearly ten years ago and not a sprawling shopping village. Those who know me won't be surprised to hear that I am not pro-Walmart; however, when you're shopping with your 85 year old grandmother you go where she wants to and arguing about globalization and rampant consumerism is not really an option.

There is a grocery store in the Walmart. An entire grocery store. We only made it about 1/4 of the way through the store, which was fine with me but had we wanted to we could have made a day of it, it was that big. After picking up some bits and bobs from the grocery section we found the bras. She hasn't been wearing one due to some back pain and trouble doing her bra up at the back. We were looking for a bra with a front-clasp. I found one and she started to try it on over her clothes. I honestly didn't mind because getting dressed and undressed is probably a pain in the ass when you're old and your back is sore. First she tried it on to see how it fit around. Then she said "Well, I had better see if I can sling by boobs into this thing." That's when I said "Let's find more and go to the dressing room!" It's not like she was going to bare all to the shoppers of Walmart, she's still pretty sharp and dignified, but I just thought that it would be more efficient to go to a changing room. Alas, none of the bras fit properly. However, I must thank her for providing me with great blog fodder.

After the bras we found the cat food and Robaxacet then made our way to the checkouts. I left her to sit on a bench while I brought the car around so she wouldn't have to walk to far. As I walked away from the bench I heard her immediately strike up conversation with the young, yellow-shirted security guard sitting next to her. That's my Nanny.